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Road Trippin' Racist Wookies & Cookie Monster Strip Search

The final chapter of the New Zealand story

sunny 30 °C

Ok so I know it has taken me a stupendously long time to finish this blog but hey, I've been busy...or lazy...you can decide.

Anyhow,I believe we left off where goodbyes were exchanged between me and Will in Wellington...well I hopped on the next bus outta there and made my way back to Rotorua (ah Rotorua! Konichiwa!) and stayed in the lovely Crash Palace again where I met 2 dudes from Utah and had a beer with them. Next morning I set off hitchhiking to Taupo where I was picked up by a guy with a sandwich in his face called Gregg. Gregg kindly dropped me off at Urban Retreat where I was greeted by Larsehole again and we had a bit of a night out. After a lie I. The next morning and a chill out sesh I. The garden, I skyped mother and father then stayed in with an English gang of chaps and an Aladdin DVD.
Next morning I was on the bus on my way to Wellington where I would be reunited with Lucy...it was a horrible long day on the bus as I wasn't feeling too well but when I arrived, Lucy and I still managed some cider and an Indian. We had a bit of a crazy night out while we were there as well...our friend Clare came to meet us and we started drinking wine in the room. We invited 2 nice boys to join us as well and got pretty drunk before heading out. Well I was so drunk that I only lasted 1 drink but I've been told everyone had a great night! Next morning we had power snuggles then went to weta cave where all The Lord of the rings costumes and props etc were made. Very fun :)
Later that day I was on a flight to queenstown where I planned on meeting the Chileans one last time! It was Vinny's birthday so we got him a bottle of jack, and more randomly, some pirate gear! I was also introduced to their new friend Danny from Sweden who I later learned was an avid dice man (Luke rhineheart). Apparently Danny once had to go on a night out and brush his teeth the entire time....another time he had to do his food shopping one item at a time, actually leaving the supermarket each time! Good lad! So that night was pretty crazy, we had an amazing time and strangely enough, we actually ran into the Jesus freaks we met earlier in Nelson. Yep. They were hovering around in the street with their free sausages and crying priest so we took advantage for a good hour of sausage time :)
I woke up the next morning in the boys room where we'd clearly partied at the end of the night...showered and fed, I watched a couple of movies and when everyone finally got up, we headed down to the shore for a lakeside BBQ....Chilean style! Such aa chilled and relaxed day...! Later and back at the hostel, the boys all went out but I had to call it a night after the dice told me I wasn't allowed to go out!
Next morning, Juan decided to leave us to go back to Franz Josef with some ladies he met so there was an extra space in Danny's car ;) perfect for a Kirsty sized person....yay! After a severe amount of fannying by the Chileans which caused us to leave at 6pm instead of 10am....what the hell were they doing!? We got a pizza one the way, that almost couldn't even fit in the overloaded car, then stopped at a supermarket to stock up. The excessive fannying that occurred here was most obscene and took almost an hour...I blamed Jose! We were eventually on our way to mt cook but by the time we got away, it started to get dark and of course we got lost completely lost and had to camp by some random lake...probably illegally. Anyway with no room in the tents, I was confined to the back seat of the car, covered in boys jumpers! Was quite fun actually :) next morning at the crack of dawn, I actually managed to find a toilet in the middle of the forest...and it was occupied! For about fifteen minutes. I had to hide behind a bush and wait for the perpetrator to reveal himself. I watched him in disgust then held me nose as I went in.....ewwwww! We quickly got back on the road and made a pit stop at lake pukake where the boys made a....very.....nice and not at all horrible porridge. Mmmm I remember it well. It was definitely nice. Back on the road, we managed to get to mt cook and pitched our tents in the 60mph winds, not bothering to pay the site fee. We then went for a trek up to the source of a Glacier. It took a long time to get there due to the weather and finally when we got up there, my altitude sickness kicked in and I had to head back down. It was impressive though. Back at the site, there was nothing much to be done but play consecutive games of cachos which is a game played with dice in cups. We then cooked about 5 pans of pasta, gobbled that down and drove into mt cook village for a few pints before bed.....I slept in the front seat of the car this time which was a nightmare as it rained and leaked on my face! :)

The next morning, awake early again, I decided to play a trick on the boys since they’d left me to sleep in a horrible cold old car, and crept over to Manu and Jose’s tent. Peeling the zips back I jumped in and started screaming ‘EARTHQUAAAAAKE!’ They absolutely shat themselves and were so angry with me....Not to be deterred, I then made my way to Vinny and Danny’s tent and made some horrible animal noises and started scratching the tent before jumping on it. Another good reaction from them :P
Later on, we eventually left and hit the road to Lake Tekapo where we would have our final final last night together. Stocking up on supplies (scrumpy) in the small village there, we had a night in with plenty of game playing and drinking. It was a good one and I was paying for it with an incredibly sore head the next day which only 2 cans of coke and a whiff of petrol would cure.
On the road to Christchurch, we stopped for what I thought would be a short detour at the drive through in Burger King however we drove straight up to the counter, bypassing the menu and then didn’t know what we wanted. We then parked up and went inside however then the guys wanted to use their VIP burger king card but the nice lady informed them they couldn’t use it inside. Rather than settle for that, we went back in the drive through....then we forgot chips and had to go again...then tomato ketchup. Seriously!! The whole thing took about 2 hours! Chileans! Biggest faffers I’ve ever known!
When we eventually got to Christchurch, the boys kindly dropped me off at Adam & John’s house where I was given a beer and some good company. There were about 12 lads living in the house and 1 girl, but with no tv or much else going on, the proper thing to do was to sit around the giant tabe outside and drink beer all day. I had no complaints! However we did do just that for the entire 3 days I stayed there! The second night was the best one...I went and crawled into an empty bed in some random room and woke up to some guy looking at me like...who are you! Haha....we did actually get some cool stuff done...John took me around the city to see the destruction and regenerations following the Christchurch earthquake, and then both him and Adam took me to the beach one afternoon which was fun too  I had a great time with them but when I left, I was excited about returning to Wellington and my fair Lucy. I had one more stop in Kaikoura which was great and nice and relaxed. I saw some silly seals, a funky starfish, and some penguin imposters. The next day I had to get on the ferry back to Welly where I legged it back to the Nomads hostel to meet Lucy. I am pretty sure from memory that beer and cider was drank but I cant entirely be sure. All I know is the next day we took a train to Paraparaumu for 2 nights where we thought we’d have a bit of a chill out. We arrived at the hostel which was really pretty and run by a nice old lady then stocked up on supplies and waited until evening to drink them. We made complete boobs out of ourselves on one of the nights as we smoked some legal high stuff and Lucy went all weird and thought I was her mum, that her womb had somehow disappeared, and that ‘wookie’ was a racist term! As if it couldn’t get any better...some guy who lived there was telling us about how his daughter had died and Lucy decided then was a great time to let out quite a large fart. Oh the humanity! I couldn’t NOT laugh! It was hilarious...but so very very bad...
Well eventually we went back to Wellington, with a crude hitchhikers sign prepared. We were picked up by 2 german girls and dropped off in some shit part of the city. We met up with Clare who let us keep our bags at her place as we couldn’t find any accommodation for the night due to the Rugby Sevens festival. Lucy’s idea was to simply go out and get drunk and find someone willing to let us kip on their couch...or otherwise. Well after a crazy night of me dressed as a Viking pirate, and lucy dressed as the goddess of mann, and clare as rock paper scissors, I woke up in the park! And all around me the park was litered with the bodies of others who had done the same! Except Lucy. Where was she!? Having caught up with Lucy a little later and witnessing a fat naked man-angel bouncing unattractively on a bed, we got hangover crap, stuffed our faces and watched movies in the Nomads hostel (where we checked in for our final night) That night was spent sitting outside the bar and watching all the crazy fancy dress people walking around. We saw a human shower, about 40 Lance Armstrongs complete with syringes, buzz lightyears, ducks, superheroes, marine creatures, transformers, you name it, we saw it. The best one we saw was outside the Rugby Stadium where some poor bloke dressed as Cookie Monster was standing with his legs parted, and being strip searched. What a day.
The next morning we were each on our own bus up to Taupo where we had a couple of nights in Urban Retreat again. We mostly chilled out there but also had a nice swim in the lake (Lucy pissed in it) and a bit of a ‘last night out’ type thing which was also fun.
Finally we were on the way to Auckland. I was picked up by Dan (Din) again only he was less annoying this time. Due to to my flight being at 6am the following morning, and having to check in around 3am, I decided it would be pointless to pay for a hostel bed, so shoved my shit in Lucys room and headed to the bar. It wasn’t particularly a heavy one, and we managed to meet some cool people including Mohit again, we had a good night. One nice young man who was especially good friends with Lucy decided to drive me to the airport which was lovely.
Our goodbye was actually quite tearful as it would be a further 2 weeks before I would see Luce again. I missed her silly farts already.....but my journey was about to begin again as I checked into my flight bound for LA!!!

Posted by Lady-K 04:04 Archived in New Zealand

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